Relationship Issues, Self-Esteem & Identity

Relationship challenges

Relationships, and working on the relationship we have with ourself, can require the help of a therapist to explore and work on. Our experience of ourselves is not only about how we relate to other people, but also includes the relationship to what we think and feel, which influences how we see and experience ourselves.

Aspects of our experience, such as emotion, sensation, intuition (etc), may not be readily accessible to us for various reasons, which can cause hardship in relating with others as well. For example, navigating conflict, worrying about how people perceive us and treat us, or losing oneself when going deeply into relationships.

You do not have to be in excruciating pain to access and benefit from psychotherapy. It is common to experience a sense of not belonging, isolation, not feeling able to change how we feel about ourselves, fear of conflict, or lack of connection in relationships.

You have every right to want to create change in your life.

Attachment

Our relational experiences in our first years of life with our primary caregivers lay the foundations of how we relate to others into adulthood - how we were taken care of or not taken care of, what environmental pressures were exerted upon us, and our temperament and genetic material.

You may be experiencing challenges in your relationships due to the relational patterns that were learnt early on in life. The good news is that these are not static ways of relating - they are malleable and able to be worked on.

Often, people need to develop skills and capacities that were not learned in early relationships and life experiences.

Challenges you might be facing

• Communication issues

• Difficulty with conflict

• Codependency in relationships

• ‘Losing yourself’ in relationships

• Self hatred and poor self esteem

• Self-sabotage, self-doubt, criticism, imposter syndrome

• Mood disorders

• Personality disorders

• Anxiety

• Depression

How can therapy help?

Therapy can help to develop these capacities through certain approaches and techniques, but a primary driver of creating positive change is through the therapeutic relationship itself. This means that effective therapy is relational, which simply means that positive change is created through the container of a safe, trustworthy, and deeply attuned relationship.

Some people need approaches that require thought, analysis, and developing understanding and insight. Others may require or prefer approaches that work at the level of the body and felt experience.

Examples of skills and capacities this helps to develop:

• Communication skills

• Self-worth, confidence, and a stronger sense of identity

• Breaking unhealthy or dysfunctional patterns

• Boundaries, conflict, and assertiveness

• Deconstruct and rewrite the stories we tell ourselves about life events and ourselves

• Capacity for authenticity, presence, and connection in relationships

What does a typical first session involve?

A first session is a good opportunity to explore your concerns and get a feel for how we work together (remember the importance of the therapeutic relationship).

Getting some understanding of your concerns often includes:

• How have your challenges developed over time?

• What is helping you - including your strengths and available resources?

• What is impeding you or adding to the difficulties being faced?

• What expectations you may have about how therapy can help

You are welcome to ask any questions you may have about the process or if you feel you need direction or encouragement. I will be able to offer some initial impressions, and we will agree on how best to ‘contain’ the work together - how often to schedule in, any particular needs or preferences you may have, etc.

Disclaimer: Please note that I do not currently offer couples counselling.